Eschatology and other things

Aaron Walters.

Devin Quick.

Two young men who died in their teens, I had to face their dea

ths in my own way in high school. They died about a year apart, and probably didn't even know each other. But they have both impacted my view of life... and death.

Aaron died four years ago today.

Aaron had the biggest impact. He taught me about races. And the race that I'm running right now.

Aaron ran cross-country through highschool. You can visit his xanga and see how much it was a part of his life. I didn't know him extremely well, but his death was a wake-up call for me. Also, I only had a few classes with Devin at Southland (homeschool co-op), but losing him was the aftershock of Aaron's homegoing. Life is not only fragile, it's very short.

This is the passage from Hebrews that was the most comforting to us, and was read aloud to the packed sanctuary at Emmanuel Baptist Church for Aaron's funeral.

Hebrews 12

¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Aaron got to the finish line faster than all of us. Was it because he was a cross-country runner? Was it because of the congenital heart failure? No, it was because he had fulfilled all that Christ had commanded him to do for his life.

Where does that leave me? Why am I still here?

I was in the bathroom... thinking. Best place to think. I'm sure you would agree. I asked myself, "Why am I not doing what Christ has commanded me to do, but doing what I want to do instead?" Classic example: last night. Instead of doing street evangelism with Ryan, I went to the park, to run around and enjoy the weather. Yes, it was fun, but I kinda felt bad. How long will I run away from Him?

If I have the cure for cancer, how could I be quiet about it?

I must finish the race. Do what I was created to do, the Great Comission, go out into the world and make disciples.

I'll see you at the finish line, Aaron.

Too Christian?

I recently had an encounter with a friend who seems to be new to the concept of living the Christian life to the fullest. They explained that my utter confidence in Christ and lack of tolerance for other views and things not "Christian" was annoying to them.
As an example, I'm not a fan of movies with a ton of cussing in them. There is one movie that I saw rather unwillingly lately. I think they cussed every other word. Or if there's a song with more than a bit of cussing in it, I'll not want to listen to it.
This friend wasn't thrilled that I can't tolerate that. This shocked me.
Hmmm, usually, I'd get a pat on the back for that, not a chiding. Was there something wrong with me? Was I being too uptight about this? Or, worse yet, was I blinded by any sort of hate?
It was a late-night conversation in which both of us kinda revealed our pasts, growing up and spiritual journeys. I went to bed with tears in my eyes that I had been disapproved of.

I slept on that thought. Do I need to change how I view the world? Am I too "Jesus-y?" I've wrestled with the thought for about a week now. Do I need to change? I found the answer.

Yes.

I need to become even more Christ-like! He saw the world as sin, but he still loved the people. It's hard to love songs and movie with singers and actors who you don't know. That's the rift. Between knowing a person and seeing their sin, and loving them anyway, and not knowing someone and passing judgment on them. So I shouldn't judge the person. Or anyone. Leave that to God. But there's no way I'm going to be tolerant of their sin. I'm GOING to be uncomfortable around it. It's NOT going to be fun.

Please understand that there is a fine line between being IN the world and being OF the world. I want to be in it, but not of it. And we're all sinners. Including me. But I do wish to be like Christ. I can't understand why people would want to cuss and party all day long, trying to fill a void that can only be satisfied with Christ. I guess we're all trying to fill that. And some find Him, and others don't. That's why I need to tell them about Christ. He tells us to. His last command to us before he ascended into Heaven. And so we must obey until the day he returns.

4am!

What do I do with myself during these horrible 3-6am shifts?

I blog!

Hmmmmm... shall I blog about the ice day? Or something deeper?

Why not both?

All these questions. I guess I'm having alot of questions lately.

Why are there 2 Capri Suns in the trash when I have none?

Why can't they cancel class today?

What do I do next?

How will I get all my stuff done to graduate?

I feel like my biggest question, one that transcends where I am or what emotion I'm feeling, is Am I loved?

I know Jesus loves me. I've had this as a recurring theme lately on my blog. I kinda want to focus more on the human aspect of that this morning.

In general, I make it a point to hang out with my B4 girls. They are smart, fun and awesome individuals who are more than neighbors. We share life together. I feel like I stick in this clique waaaaaay too much whenever I have the chance to branch out and talk with the RAMAs, senior staff, or Putnam guys. I blend in when that cute guy walks by. I pretend not to notice. But I do. That's how I've been since junior high. Just hide in the crowd. Melt away into that circle of girls who are always talking and laughing. After we had our complex Legends of the Strong Temple trivia night last night, I definitely felt like a part of a clique. I had branched out and greeted the female RAs and talked to one of the males, but I wish I was more comfortable with the Putnam guys. Maybe it's a good thing I'm not gonna introduce myself to them all. But maybe I'm hurting myself. What if the guys are just as intimidated by a group of girls as we are of them? I do wish we could share a few meals with them a bit. Perhaps I could get an idea into Stacy's head? Hm, we shall see. And if all else fails, I'll at least have a few friends from the complex I didn't have before! :)

Interesting thoughts.

With the Am I loved question, I think that will be answered in due time. Valentine's day is coming up. Hopefully, I'll get roses from Daddy. But other than that, I'm ready to lock myself away and ignore the 14th in my homework and working that horrible KU game. If anyone decides they want to give me roses, they'll have to do it after I'm done sleeping off the headache I'll get trying to staff that game.