When Does Life Hurt?

When does life hurt?
Is it when you realize your sister has been frantically trying to get ahold of you for hours when you were in school?
When you call back and she says Gampa is dying?
When you call your mom and she is already on the road?
Does it hurt when your heart sinks and you can only think of driving there as fast and soon as you can?

It hurts.
When your Mom is at the end of her rope.
When your grandma is staring at the floor holding back the tears.
 When you listen to your grandpa fighting for each breath.
 When you barely remember him a stronger man, over a decade ago.

 It helps.
When classmates turn in very important projects for you.
When they tell your instructors.
When the instructors make themselves available.
When your Residence Life Coordinator makes a few calls and covers shifts for you.
When friends babysit your fluffy babies and fish until you return.
When floor mates just give you great big hugs.
When the RAs come with enouraging words.
When you have your own car, and the weather cooperates.
When your friends and family are just a text or phone call away.
When your boyfriend just hugs you tight, and makes himself easy to call or text through his busy schedule. When people pray.

When they remind you that God is there beside you.

 Holding your hand.

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,


I want to tell you how much I love you, how grateful I am that I am able to call you my daddy. You have always been there for me when I call. Your comforting voice has been with me the past 22 and 1/2 years. You are never more than a phone call away. I can tell you a funny story.  I can tell you something that's been on my mind. You understand my highs and lows, joys and deepest hurts. Although you may never hear about some of my even deeper hurts, it doesn't really matter, because you are there. Comforting, guiding, helping.

I remember the day that the "October Surprise" happened, and watching our Bradford Pear get hurt. I remember how the 2002 Ice Storm hit and you were in Las Vegas for work, and the tree suffered the fatal blow. And I remember how you finally cut down that tree later that year. I was so mad at you. Then there was that "rebel" time I went through near the end of my teens when I was a freshman or sophomore in college and hated being at home. I was so mad at you and mom then too. I don't remember why, I just know I was.

But how could I be mad when I think back to everything good that has happened. I miss storytime at night. No joke. I miss you making pancakes Saturday mornings, and pizza Sunday nights. I miss you taking me and Abigail to all the grocery stores in town and the bank on Saturdays. I miss our summer vacations, and hiking mountains in Colorado, and you whooping my butt. I miss running down to see you when you came home from work during the weekdays. I miss going to BSF with you, and grabbing some Taco Bell or Krispy Kreme afterwards, or a Shamrock Shake at McDonalds.

Where has the time gone? I miss you so much. I miss just seeing you every day.

You have taught me so much.
I watched you faithfully serve my peers in youth group for 9 years. You were there early and stayed late to help set up or tear down, or both. You never complained, never made a fuss. Your best friends were JB and Chip.
I also used you as a standard to what my guy friends should be and act like, and how they should treat me. I've tried earnestly to choose friends who you and Mom would be happy to talk to and befriend, and more recently, approve of dating. That shouldn't be my only concern, but there's just something in me that wants to see a piece of you in my guy friends: how they treat me, humor, and how much they love the Lord. This has obviously been on my mind a lot more recently, and life has been amazing because of it.
So, even though I miss being your little girl, I'm learning how to step away from that into a new phase of life. And it's turning out to be awesome as well. :)


I love you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for being you. For being Daddy.

Wordle

This Is an Offensive Blog Post!!!

Are you in, or are you out? Are you sitting on the fence about God? Are you waiting to see some 'miracle,' some kind of 'wonder' from Him so that you may believe that He TRULY is the ONLY God?

Do you call yourself a Christian? Is everything 'me' focused? Look at your Facebook, your personal website, your bumper stickers, the words on your t-shirt. Does everything point back to you? Does your world revolve around you? Take a good look in the spiritual mirror.

How do you see yourself? What is your standard that you live up to? Is it one that you have set? Are you living up to those standards? Or is it your parent's standards? Or what your significant other wants to see in you? If you are living up to HUMAN standards, my friend, then you are toast. You've got to live up to GOD'S standards!

If you say, "Yes, I confess that Jesus died for my sins, I believe that he was buried and rose again, conquering death and accept his FREE gift of salvation," then you, therefore, are a Child of God. He has redeemed you. Now, you have to give your ALL to Him. You owe Him your LIFE. Your time, your marriage, singleness, wealth, any talents, it is all HIS.

I'm not just preachin' to the internets here. I'm talking to myself! How much more do I need to be writing this to remind myself of how I need to be!

Christ said that we are not of this world, we are in it, not of it. We don't have to and can't conform any longer to the ways of this world, but we must be changed, be transformed by renewing our minds, to think new, only this time, not like we were before we were children of the Creator of the universe, but now, we've got to think like Christ!

We strive to be like him, in all we say and do! Don't revert back to the old ways of life, the old language, the old habits! Christ calls us to live a life for the King! Even our bodies are not our own! We were bought with a price, so we must honor God with our bodies!

Sin. You know, it's what that tiiiiny voice inside of you is telling you that you're doing wrong. Cheating, hanging out with someone you shouldn't, doing stuff, stealing, it's all sin. It's all a revolt against God. Against everything He is and stands for. Repent! What does that mean? Turn from your sin! Don't be like a dog that goes back to its vomit, get out of there! Do something worth of the calling of God!

If this is too much for you to handle, this living for the Lord, this ultimate surrender, then you might want to SERIOUSLY reconsider if you REALLY have given your life to God. This is tough stuff to swallow. But, we're not alone. We have the instruction manual for life, the Bible. We have the Holy Spirit, to guide us, to help us live up to God's standards. We have Jesus who was here on earth as fully God, yet fully man. He has paved the way! And also, we have each other. Get a church! Get one that has a good variety of ages, because usually the older generations (usually WISER) will still be going to the solid churches. Come talk to me, if you want. I'd love to discuss this with you.

But PLEASE. Understand this one thing: if this is offensive to you, GOOD! I want it to be. The work of the Cross was cruel and ugly and offensive. It goes against our grain. This has struck a nerve with you, and you are mulling it over in your mind.

Read the Bible. Start in the New Testament.

Pray. It's simply talking to God. No flowery words are needed. Just be real.

Get plugged into a solid church.

Now go. Do it.

Or don't call yourself a Christian.

Don't Be In a Hurry

by Leslie Ludy

So many young women I talk to feel that the moment a guy shows interest in them, they are in an “urgent” situation and need to make a quick decision. This exposes their desperation; their fear that if they don’t jump on a good opportunity, they’ll miss their only chance for true love. It shows a lack of faith in the Author of romance. Remember that if His plan for you is marriage, He is more than capable of keeping a guy’s interest, even if it takes months or years for you to finally give him the go-ahead. A man who is truly worth his salt knows that you are worth the wait, and won’t put pressure on you to make a quick decision. Jacob worked for Rachel for fourteen years and they seemed “but a few days for the love that he had for her.” (Gen. 29:20-28) If God truly desires a relationship to happen, you don’t need to rush or feel pressure to open the door to a guy. When a guy shows interest, the first thing to do is spend an ample amount of time in prayer and seeking Godly counsel. I don’t just mean praying for a day or two. I mean diligent, persistent seeking of God’s wisdom and heart for the situation. Ask His Spirit to show you whether this is truly His highest and best for your life. Remember that, other than your decision to come to Christ, the decision of who you marry is the most important one you will ever make. It will affect you for the rest of your life. It’s not something to take lightly.

It is extremely dangerous to just “experiment” with relationships to see if you really like a guy or not, giving your heart to one person after the next in an attempt to find the right one. When God builds a relationship, He brings one man and one woman together for the rest of their lives. He is able and willing to guide you into His perfect plan for this area of your life without taking you through a handful of failed relationships and broken hearts. He is able and willing to write your love story in such a way where you give your heart to only one man – the man you will spend the rest of your life with. But most of us don’t trust Him enough to allow Him to do that for us. We feel the need to rush into a relationship so that we don’t lose a guy’s interest, and all too often we end up broken-hearted and damaged as a result. If there is a potential relationship in your life, the best first course of action is this:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. (Prov. 3:6 NKJV)

If you slow down and take the time to really seek Him, you can be sure that He will direct and guide you. There is no reason to ever take a step forward in a relationship unless you have complete peace and certainty in your heart – a certainty not based on your own emotions, but on hours of spending time in God’s presence and seeking His heart and wisdom.

[Thanks to Emily Appel for showing this to me!]

http://abiding-love.tumblr.com/post/3334445156/dont-be-in-a-hurry

My Ten Beliefs About Teaching

It was for a paper due in Literacy class, but here it is anyway. I feel like this would do well here. It's way too long unless you really care, just warnin' ya.

1. Perspectives and preparation
1. No one ever stops learning.
2. If you keep your mind open, you never know what you might learn.
3. Know the material before it is taught.
2. Learning environment
1. Respect is the key to the classroom.
2. Discipline will be administered in the fairest way as possible.
3. We’re all in this together, no one is alone!
3. Instruction
1. Sometimes, you have to learn things the hard way, but if you do, make sure you learn from those situations.
2. Everyone can learn.
3. Motivation never hurt anyone.
4. Professionalism
1. Be the teacher first, and then worry about being the friend.

My top ten beliefs about teaching and learning begin and end with the student in mind. Without the student, how am I to teach? They are the center of the universe, my world will revolve around them in the near future.

Of Charlotte Danielson’s Framework for Teaching, there are four categories, and I have beliefs in each category. First is perspectives and preparation, second is the learning environment, then instruction, and finally, professionalism.

Perspectives and preparation starts off with my belief that no one ever stops learning. I found this true of my life as a student, and now as a teacher. There are things I’m learning again as a teacher that I learned in elementary school, but they were long forgotten. As I was being homeschooled in junior and senior high, my mom who was my primary teacher all those years, commented often that she was always learning the material right along with me. If I think that I know everything that I will teach my students, then I am blinding myself to the real truth about teaching. To keep teaching means to keep learning, about the material, how your students learn, and how to teach effectively.

My second belief in perspectives and preparation is that if you keep your mind open, you never know what you might learn. What would it be like to live in a world where people only learned about their interests. If that person did not have the same interest as you, they might not be very good to get along with, or they might not be able to help you in your various times of need. If you were only specialized in one subject, you would not be considered a very ‘well rounded’ person with knowledge about various subjects, and conversation might be very short with them. However, if one keeps their mind open to various aspects, subjects, viewpoints, or even cultures, they can learn something completely new that could change their entire viewpoint about life!

The third belief I have is that the teacher should know the material before it is taught. I have heard it said, “Teaching is a lot like acting.” Actors spend their entire careers learning lines, practicing for the brief time that cameras are rolling, or when the show is going on and people are watching. How much more am I, as a teacher, supposed to know the material to be taught before I present and teach it to my pupils? This is a critical part in teaching which will require preparation that might be unseen at the time being, but might give a big payoff, with the students soaking in the information, instead of me mindlessly dumping information to them from a textbook. If I do not take time to understand, how can I expect them to do the same?

Next, Danielson describes the learning environment. With that comes my fourth belief. It is that respect is the key to the classroom. Day 1, in August or September, when the school halls ring with the sound of many feet excitedly entering the school for the first time all summer, I will expect no less than respect. In order to get respect from every student, I need to give them respect as well. Respect will be in the rules, no matter if the rules are written or implied. Each child will know that they have my respect. I want this statement to be true of me and of my class. This will hopefully diminish any acting up in the class, and leave more time for learning. A student finds it hard to focus if they are thinking up the next prank they can pull. However, if they know that I see them as a person, one who also needs to be accountable to themselves and others, they will learn that they also need to respect their peers who are trying to learn as well.

Also in the leaning environment, I hold to the belief that discipline goes hand in hand with respect, and that the child who disrupts the class will disciplined in the fairest way as possible. When the child starts to show off, I will come over to their desk, and see if they stop. If not, I will bend to their level and have a small chat with them. There is no need to embarrass them in front of the entire class. I will choose to point out to the entire class the groups or children who are modeling the behavior or response that I desire, and praise them, rather than call out the students who are misbehaving. Students in elementary desire to please and impress the teacher, so many students who simply seek attention will be able to show off how well they listen to directions, for example, to get praise and attention from me. Without fair discipline in the classroom, all learning might be lost.

My sixth belief, the last in the category of the learning environment, is that we’re all in this together, no one person is alone. When life gets you down, is it then that you usually feel alone? What if you had 20 of your peers and friends cheering you on? I want life to be celebrated and the students spurred on to do great things in the classroom. Everyone is learning the same things in school. They all are going to the same music class, the same physical education class. This thought applies to adults too, that we can help to make one another’s burden lighter by working as a team, but this would work great in a class as well. The children and teacher see each other every single day. How much more can we learn to work together and find a way to walk towards a goal together?

The next category in the framework boasts another three of my beliefs. The category of instruction starts off with my seventh belief, that Sometimes, you have to learn things the hard way, but if you do, make sure you learn from those situations. I can not describe the countless times that I have done a terrible job on a project or paper. The grade or disapproval I received was devastating. But what did I do the next time? Sometimes, I failed to do better. But other times, I did my best, and produced something I was proud of. If I had failed the first time, would I have wanted to do so well the second time? This can be applied to not only learning, but instruction as well. If you are not successful the first time at conveying the information to the students, then try at it a second time, but the worst thing you could do is give up. How much more rewarding is it when you climb the mountain and look over all the work you have done? Meeting the challenge of instruction and succeeding is worth the stress gone through.

The eighth belief of mine is that everyone can learn. With this in mind, an instructor will find a way to teach all children. Belief in your pupils can be critical to the success of the classroom, not only in test score, but their comprehension of the subject taught and how they live life. Not all students will be able to reach the bar set by standards or principles, but if the bar is adjusted to each student in a way that will challenge them with something attainable, they will see that they can reach a goal, and be spurred on to learn more and more, be encouraged, and not give up on school.

My ninth belief, the last one under instruction, is that motivation has never hurt anyone. At this point, it is time to break down why one is a teacher. What motivates them to get up in the morning and teach a bunch of kids? Is it the pay? Hopefully not. The coworkers? Maybe. But when a teacher has shifted their motivation to educating the future contributing members of society, only then does the motivation become real. If we as teachers and educators let the personalities, the smiles, the stories of the kids make our day, then we are sure to learn rapidly that it is not the pay or the coworkers that motivates us. It is surely the kids.

Finally, my tenth and final belief shifts to focusing on the area of professionalism. As educators, we are called to be teachers first. Then, and only then, can we become their friends. This transition between mentor and buddy might happen near the end of the year, or after the child has graduated from the classroom. I have experienced this in my own life, as my fourth grade teacher became my friend in high school as we served the kids of Mexico together on a church mission trip. She had my respect in fourth grade, but she was not my friend. If I was to let the kids be my friend, they would more than likely find a way to ‘twist my arm’ and use our relationship for their gain. This would not be professionalism. I will be a professional. I wish to keep it that way when I am teaching. Students should look up to me, as a teacher, not a friend. But a great friendship might hopefully bloom in years afterward because of the interactions had when the child was young.

No doubt, there is much to be learned in the field of teaching, but getting a firm grasp on it in the beginning is the way to start out on the right foot. With these ten beliefs for teaching and learning, accumulated within the past few semesters, and also adding to it daily, I hope to build a learning community dedicated to excellence, perseverance, and hope.

Most Ardently

So, I'm looking at my "Pieces of Flair" on my Facebook for the first time in about a year. There are some with some excellent quotes.

"Secretly, I'm a ninja."

"Caution: Driver dances and sings while driving."

"Be a fruit loop in a world of cheerios"

But then there are the cute ones.

"I'd walk halfway around the world for one kiss from you."

"I love him so much, that I just want what's best for him. Even if it breaks my heart."

"I want to be the girl you point at and say 'That's her. That's the girl I love.'"

AWWWW. (Barf)

That was fun.

Wellspring of Life

It's high time I blog again. I thought I'd blog while I'm in class learning about genetic modification.

By the way, why do we as humans think we can mess with DNA, the code for life, and get away with it? This is crazy stuff.

But back to the subject. Blogging. Is my blog more like a personal diary? An open place where I can complain? A devotional diary? I think it's all three. I'd prefer it to be more thought-provoking to my readers.

So, this was my weekend. Awesome, awesome awesome. Then Monday hit. BLAM. Like a sack of potatoes. Homework, then class at 8am got me into a nasty mood. I'm realizing as I'm sitting here that it's hard to see the beauty all around when you're looking down at your feet all the time. "Woe is me. My life stinks." Hey! That's not the way to look at things. If I recall, from the various times I DID look away from my feet yesterday, I realized that I was in Starbucks, looking at funny stuff on the internet, reading a children's book, on a nice sunny day, the sun warming my back, a free Venti Cinnamon Dulce cream base Frappuccino on my table, and a friend online. Life, in fact, is good.

Why is it so good, and why do I choose not to look at it?

Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.

Hmm... I think i have a heart problem!!! But then…

Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Well. That's more like it. Perhaps I forgot that THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE happens to be on my side! Let that encourage you. If you are a child of God… He’s got your back!

Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Ahh… so just rest in the hammock of his peace.

Perseverance

John 1:14

The Word became flesh, and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Psalm 43:5

Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

For I will yet praise him,

My Savior and my God.

Read Psalm 44

This is war.

Fighting for my heart,

Fighting for my love.

-Jon Shirley

Psalm 46:1, 10

God is our refuge and strength,

An ever-present help in trouble.

“Be still and know that I am God.

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted among the earth.”

Isaiah 61:1-4

The Spirit of the Sovereign

Lord is on me,

Because the Lord has anointed me

to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the

brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

and to provide for those who grieve in

Zion-

to bestow on them a crown off beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of

Righteousness,

a planting for the Lord,

for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins

And restore the places long devastated;

They will renew the ruined cities

that have been devastated for generations.

Hebrews 12:1-2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy before him endured the cross, scoring its shame, and sat down at the throne of God.

Keep reading the rest of Hebrews 12.

James 1:1-4

James, a servant of God

and of the Lord Jesus Christ,

to the twelve tribes scattered among the nations.

Greetings.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

The World is Angry Tonight

I sat at the window,

looking at the stars.

They glimmered with hope,

for a brighter tomorrow.

Pain and sadness

crept into my heart.

Regret and confusion,

agony and defeat.

As I watched,

the clouds came rolling,

billowing in.

The sadness in my heart

blocked the stars.

How long, O God?

How long will we wait?

The earth groans for renewal.

When will you take us away,

your bride?

You are teaching me,

every day, every night

to follow You.

Never look back.

No regrets.

Yet I do.

I have regrets.

Fresh, recent wounds.

Am I proud?

Or disheartened?

The stars have faded away.

My heart deceives me.

I cover pain with pleasure,

only to cause more pain.

You, O Lord.

I HAVE to trust in.

Who else is there now?

What is Going On, God?!

Dear God,

Have you seen the news reports? The footage of the earthquakes hitting Japan? What about the tsunami? What are you doing?

Maybe this will jog your memory: CNN Student News Report from yesterday.

Haven't you heard the screams of the Japanese mothers and fathers, sons and daughters? Are these people so horrible? Why allow this to happen to anyone?

You better get your act together. Don't you hold the foundations of the earth together? Were you off on vacation in some distant galaxy? Are we too small for you?

We're just a blip on the radar screen. We live for a blink of an eye. Who cares?

What about this??

Proverbs 8:28-30

²⁸ when he established the clouds above
and fixed securely the fountains of the deep,
²⁹ when he gave the sea its boundary
so the waters would not overstep his command,
and when he marked out the foundations of the earth.

SERIOUSLY? Isn't that overstepping their bounds? Or did we overstep ours?

The USS Ronald Regan is there in Japan providing meals and support. Isn't it interesting, though...

There was Pearl Harbor...

But now we're there helping...

And they're doing all the can to help their own people...

What is going on, God?!

Comfortable? Yep.

Why yes, I do like my little iTunes with my music, sittin' on a comfy couch, with a warm laptop on my lap, friends near me. Sip some hot chocolate, wear comfy clothes, sleep in a warm, comfy bed. What's wrong with that?

Nothing.

But what about hanging out with my same friends? Shunning those who are planning on getting completely wasted this saturday for Fake Patty's Day? Laughing at them as I talk about God with my circle of Christian friends?

Yesterday, I was mad. Throughly ticked off.

"Get off my grill, man! Quit preaching at me! You don't know me. Ugh. Pointless. Annoying. A waste of time."

These were the thought that ran through my head at our reflection after our InterVarsity meeting. We were reading the passage in John that has the application of 'get out of your boat,' your comfort zone and DO SOMETHING.

Fine. The application was to go out in pairs to Derb and walk up to random people and ask them if there was anything we could do to bless their day.

When asked if this would work, I immediately said no, it's too awkward. No one will do it, much less WANT to do it.

We ended up going out. It WAS horrible. It was like pulling teeth. I was out of my comfort zone.

During that reflection, I decided it was pointless. Why go up to random people and do random things for them, like give them a hug or tell them a joke?

Ok, ok, it wasn't that I got kicked and shot down, I do feel like I made at least one girl's day. But really? What was the point in that??!

I really don't have any answers at the current moment. I feel that I need to keep fanning the little tiny flames of this Bible study. I can't put giant logs on just yet, that will smother and kill the fire!!!

Hopefully, I'll get to the bottom if this dissonance in my thoughts soon.

Eschatology and other things

Aaron Walters.

Devin Quick.

Two young men who died in their teens, I had to face their dea

ths in my own way in high school. They died about a year apart, and probably didn't even know each other. But they have both impacted my view of life... and death.

Aaron died four years ago today.

Aaron had the biggest impact. He taught me about races. And the race that I'm running right now.

Aaron ran cross-country through highschool. You can visit his xanga and see how much it was a part of his life. I didn't know him extremely well, but his death was a wake-up call for me. Also, I only had a few classes with Devin at Southland (homeschool co-op), but losing him was the aftershock of Aaron's homegoing. Life is not only fragile, it's very short.

This is the passage from Hebrews that was the most comforting to us, and was read aloud to the packed sanctuary at Emmanuel Baptist Church for Aaron's funeral.

Hebrews 12

¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Aaron got to the finish line faster than all of us. Was it because he was a cross-country runner? Was it because of the congenital heart failure? No, it was because he had fulfilled all that Christ had commanded him to do for his life.

Where does that leave me? Why am I still here?

I was in the bathroom... thinking. Best place to think. I'm sure you would agree. I asked myself, "Why am I not doing what Christ has commanded me to do, but doing what I want to do instead?" Classic example: last night. Instead of doing street evangelism with Ryan, I went to the park, to run around and enjoy the weather. Yes, it was fun, but I kinda felt bad. How long will I run away from Him?

If I have the cure for cancer, how could I be quiet about it?

I must finish the race. Do what I was created to do, the Great Comission, go out into the world and make disciples.

I'll see you at the finish line, Aaron.

Too Christian?

I recently had an encounter with a friend who seems to be new to the concept of living the Christian life to the fullest. They explained that my utter confidence in Christ and lack of tolerance for other views and things not "Christian" was annoying to them.
As an example, I'm not a fan of movies with a ton of cussing in them. There is one movie that I saw rather unwillingly lately. I think they cussed every other word. Or if there's a song with more than a bit of cussing in it, I'll not want to listen to it.
This friend wasn't thrilled that I can't tolerate that. This shocked me.
Hmmm, usually, I'd get a pat on the back for that, not a chiding. Was there something wrong with me? Was I being too uptight about this? Or, worse yet, was I blinded by any sort of hate?
It was a late-night conversation in which both of us kinda revealed our pasts, growing up and spiritual journeys. I went to bed with tears in my eyes that I had been disapproved of.

I slept on that thought. Do I need to change how I view the world? Am I too "Jesus-y?" I've wrestled with the thought for about a week now. Do I need to change? I found the answer.

Yes.

I need to become even more Christ-like! He saw the world as sin, but he still loved the people. It's hard to love songs and movie with singers and actors who you don't know. That's the rift. Between knowing a person and seeing their sin, and loving them anyway, and not knowing someone and passing judgment on them. So I shouldn't judge the person. Or anyone. Leave that to God. But there's no way I'm going to be tolerant of their sin. I'm GOING to be uncomfortable around it. It's NOT going to be fun.

Please understand that there is a fine line between being IN the world and being OF the world. I want to be in it, but not of it. And we're all sinners. Including me. But I do wish to be like Christ. I can't understand why people would want to cuss and party all day long, trying to fill a void that can only be satisfied with Christ. I guess we're all trying to fill that. And some find Him, and others don't. That's why I need to tell them about Christ. He tells us to. His last command to us before he ascended into Heaven. And so we must obey until the day he returns.

4am!

What do I do with myself during these horrible 3-6am shifts?

I blog!

Hmmmmm... shall I blog about the ice day? Or something deeper?

Why not both?

All these questions. I guess I'm having alot of questions lately.

Why are there 2 Capri Suns in the trash when I have none?

Why can't they cancel class today?

What do I do next?

How will I get all my stuff done to graduate?

I feel like my biggest question, one that transcends where I am or what emotion I'm feeling, is Am I loved?

I know Jesus loves me. I've had this as a recurring theme lately on my blog. I kinda want to focus more on the human aspect of that this morning.

In general, I make it a point to hang out with my B4 girls. They are smart, fun and awesome individuals who are more than neighbors. We share life together. I feel like I stick in this clique waaaaaay too much whenever I have the chance to branch out and talk with the RAMAs, senior staff, or Putnam guys. I blend in when that cute guy walks by. I pretend not to notice. But I do. That's how I've been since junior high. Just hide in the crowd. Melt away into that circle of girls who are always talking and laughing. After we had our complex Legends of the Strong Temple trivia night last night, I definitely felt like a part of a clique. I had branched out and greeted the female RAs and talked to one of the males, but I wish I was more comfortable with the Putnam guys. Maybe it's a good thing I'm not gonna introduce myself to them all. But maybe I'm hurting myself. What if the guys are just as intimidated by a group of girls as we are of them? I do wish we could share a few meals with them a bit. Perhaps I could get an idea into Stacy's head? Hm, we shall see. And if all else fails, I'll at least have a few friends from the complex I didn't have before! :)

Interesting thoughts.

With the Am I loved question, I think that will be answered in due time. Valentine's day is coming up. Hopefully, I'll get roses from Daddy. But other than that, I'm ready to lock myself away and ignore the 14th in my homework and working that horrible KU game. If anyone decides they want to give me roses, they'll have to do it after I'm done sleeping off the headache I'll get trying to staff that game.

Transitions

Don't you hate those in-between times?

Right now is an excellent example. I don't have any homework yet, but I'm going to class, eating in the dining hall, and socializing like a normal college student.

I will say, I've been playing Skip Bo, creeping, and being horrified by Jurassic Park the last few days. Not to mention watching Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. I guess I'll have to get up super early tomorrow morning and work on my morning skills.

I hate transitioning. I think this is something that is pretty identifiable over here in my world. Transitions and being alone in a new place are my deepest, darkest nightmares. I kid you not.

Did you hear how I broke out in hives head to toe when I first moved to K-State? Or how I was all nervous before I moved back home last semester? What about my first day in Denver for Campus Crusade for Christ's Christmas Conference? I was twitchy, nervous and all out of sorts.

Homework hasn't really kicked in either. It's weird.

I've just recently understood what one of my biggest fears is. Transitions. Transition times. Very interesting.